My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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