You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
