Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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