we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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