i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
