Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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