He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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