i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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