she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
