It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
