Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
