i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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