Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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