Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
