Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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