it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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