Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
