i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
