so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
