And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
