I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am one with the molecules
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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