i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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