did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
