he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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