he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
