Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
do herpes really smell.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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