I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
