i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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