i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize