you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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