he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
