i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
