we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize