is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
