That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
