I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
