how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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