I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
