i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
