is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize