whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize