there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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