My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Randomize
