nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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