my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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