Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
