last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
