I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
