I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
