he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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