I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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