I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
