This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
