Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
