the condom got lost in my hair
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
