my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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