Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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