I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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