He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
