So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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