hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
