We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
