She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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