Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
