Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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