Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dick very happy bro
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
