I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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