five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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