$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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