I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
