just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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