Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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