god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
