Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
