Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
...so i touched it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
