Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
