omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
