Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
