It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You ruined the universe
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
