problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
