There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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