Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
