"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
