Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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