I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
