I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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