Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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