Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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