New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
high people should be assigned attendants
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
