i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
