11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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