oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
