nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
