I need help removing her.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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