Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
