I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
