My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
