Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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