I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
