I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
