Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We have started to decorate penises.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize