im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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