Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
