i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
