Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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