I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
