did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
