Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That accounts for only three of the penises
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
