Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm getting married
To pizza
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
