Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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