if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
