my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
